Tag: Sexual

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Treat Orgasm

Sexual Pleasure

Impotence, intercourse position, sexual function, sexual intercourse, sexual pleasure, erectile dysfunction, orgasm, ejaculation, penis treatment, Female, Top, Position, Female Position

When conceptually she has a penis to play with, usually the woman will do just that. If she will allow the vaginally contained penis to stimulate slowly and feelingly, in the same manner, she enjoyed sensate pleasure from manual body stroking or the manipulation of her genital organs under her controlled directions, she will find herself overwhelmed with sexual feeling.

As vaginal sensation increases for the woman and confidence in ejaculatory control develops for the man, penile-containment episodes progress in a more confident vein. The teasing technique of mounting, dismounting, and remounting is extremely valuable as a means of female sex-tension increment.

There are several clinical pitfalls to be avoided under careful co-therapist direction as the marital unit is moved from phase to phase of increasing sexual responsivity by day-by-day consideration and direction.

  1. the cooperating male partner must be manipulated to ejaculation with a regularity at least approximating that described during the interrogation periods on day one or two as his concept of ideal ejaculatory frequency. This concern for regularity of release of cooperative male partners’ sexual tensions is but turn-about application of the principles of sex-tension relief, directed toward regularity of orgasmic release for the cooperative wife of the premature ejaculator.
  2. there must be regularly recurring vacations from the physical expression of sexual functioning. At least every fourth day is declared a holiday from physical sexual expression. However, the daily conferences between marital partners and the co-therapists continue at a seven-day-a-week pace. Through the two week period during which the distressed marital unit is following the Foundation program. There is so much material that must be presented, evaluated, and restated when the unit’s marital relationship is explored in depth that daily conferences are a regular part of the treatment format. When the wife’s physical progress is obvious, the partners are infinitely more willing to look at their particular contributions or lack of them to the marital relationship. As they improve the climate of the marriage, inevitably they are contributing a vital ingredient to the woman’s psychosocial structuring. This structure, in turn, positively influences the accrual of her sexual tensions. There is yet another factor of sex-tension increment derived from daily living with the subject by the marital partners. Presuming strategically placed vacations from overt sexual function, there is tremendous tension increment in the continuity of sexual expression, if orgasmic or ejaculatory levels of tension are restricted by frequency control.Once confidence in the female superior coital position has been established, with the woman enjoying the sensate pleasure of pelvic play with the intravaginally contained penis, the marital unit is directed to convert the female-superior position to a lateral coital position.

Effective Sexual Performance

With husband and wife mounted in a female superior position, there may be some difficulty in converting to a lateral coital position without first practicing the maneuver.

Initially, practice should take place without intromission if the conversion is to be accomplished smoothly, but the functional return for both sexual partners certainly is well worth the effort expended in the learning process.

The lateral coital position is reported as the most effective coital position available to men and women, presuming there is an established marital-unit interest in mutual effectiveness of sexual performance.

As described in premature ejaculation, when a facility in lateral coital positioning has been obtained, there is no pinning of either the male or female partner. There is mutual freedom of pelvic movement in lateral coital position in any direction, and there will be no cramping of muscles or necessity for tiring support of body weight.

The lateral coital position provides both sexes flexibility for free sexual expression. This position particularly is effective for the woman, as she can move with full freedom to enjoy either slow or rapid pelvic thrusting, depending upon current levels of sexual tensions.

In this coital position, the male can best establish and maintain ejaculatory control.

In order to convert from the female superior to a lateral coital position, there are several successive steps to be taken. The husband with his left hand should elevate his wife’s right leg while moving his leg under hers so that his left leg (now outside of her right leg) is extended from his trunk at about a 45-degree angle.

The wife simultaneously should extend her right leg (the one that is being elevated) so that positionally she is now supporting her weight on her left knee with the right leg extended, instead of being on her knees as in the female-superior position.

As she makes these adjustments, she should lean forward to parallel her trunk to that of her husband. Then the male clasps his partner with his left arm under her shoulders, his hand placed in the middle of her back, and his right hand on her buttocks, holding the two pelves together.

The two partners then should roll to his left (her right) while still maintaining intravaginal containment of the penis.

Once the partners have moved into the lateral positioning, the two trunks should be separated at roughly a 30-degree angle.

The male rolls back from his left side to rest on his back. The female remains relatively on her stomach and chest with minimal elevation of her left side and her head turned toward her husband. Pillows should be placed beneath both heads for comfort and to provide support for the woman’s slightly angled position.

Occasionally there is value in a supportive pillow placed along her right side. The only weight that must be supported is that of the wife’s right thigh, which rests upon the husband’s left thigh. His left thigh is supported by the bed, so there is no problem with long-continued weight support.

The concern for arm placement is resolved if the woman’s right arm is circled under her pillow and the husband’s left arm (in the same fashion) moves under her pillow beneath her shoulders or underneath her neck.

This leaves the woman’s left arm and hand and the husband’s right arm and hand for mutual play and body caressing. The female accomplishes leverage for pelvic thrusting by pulling up her extended right leg slightly so that her knee comes to rest on the bed. Her left leg should be cast over her husband’s right hip with the knee resting comfortably on the bed.

The two knees provide her with all the traction she needs for pelvic thrusting whenever sex-tension demands for any form of thrusting develop.

In view of the physical complexity of changes in position, usually it is suggested that man and wife try converting the simulated female superior mounting position to the lateral position at least two or three times before establishing coital connection and then attempting conversion from superior to lateral positions.

The trial runs usually begin in a humorous vein; yet with functional seriousness husband and wife easily can work out the problems of comfortable arms and legs placement and rapidly accomplish facility with the position-conversion technique. Again, the lateral coital position is the most effective coital position from mutuality of shared male and female freedom of sexual experimentation.

The potential return is well worth the effort of the marital unit involved in learning to convert from the female-superior positioning. One of the more realistic goals this form of therapy may suggest to the non orgasmic woman relates to self-reorientation which tends to improve or helps to insure maximum interdigitation of the dual-system basis of effective sexual function theorized in the topic of therapy and orgasmic dysfunction.

The goal seeks to create or encourage the best possible climate in which each system (biophysical and psychosocial) can function.

Attainment of this climax first is dependent upon self-knowledge. A sexually dysfunctional woman can be therapeutically assisted to identify and develop understanding of her own psycho-social needs (the psychosocial system of sexual function).

She also can be educated to take advantage of her naturally occurring, maximum levels of sexual drive (the biophysical system of sexual function). Much can be derived from the exchange of information among the non orgasmic woman, her husband, and the cotherapists, to help her define her actual physical awareness of sexual desire.

This specific awareness of sexual need is relied upon by most sexually effective women, although not necessarily at an actively conscious level. The dysfunctional woman’s husband has a definitive contributing role in helping to develop her sense of freedom and grace in the spontaneous expression of her sexual feelings.

The husband’s role is vital to success in the treatment of orgasmic dysfunction. His attitudinal approach is the most important contributing factor (positively or negatively) to therapeutic procedure.

If he is totally cooperative, interested, supportive, and identifies quietly and warmly with his wife as she lives through the strain of the interpretive look in the mirror provided by the cotherapists, her chances of orgasmic attainment are significantly increased.

If the husband’s attitude is one of hostility, indifference, impatience, or even regimented cooperation, the chances of failure in treatment are correspondingly increased. It is not sufficient to be simply a cooperative partner.

There must be the opportunity for the beleagured wife to identify with her husband. She must be able to feel the warmth of his interest in her as an individual and as a woman, to count on him for emotional support and, above all, to feel him as much a’ partner in concern and as vitally interested in reversing her dysfunction as she is in accomplishing full expression as a woman.

Under authoritative control many women can and do break through the shell created by a husband’s indifference and ultimately develop a pattern of orgasmic release. Many more fail.

For discussion purposes, the immediate failure rates for both primary and situational orgasmic dysfunction are included as followed. A detailed presentation of failure rates and five-year follow-up of treated patients is presented in Program Statistics.

The failure rate in reversal of the presenting complaint of orgasmic dysfunction in the two week rapid-treatment program is 19.3 percent. There is little difference between the failure rates returned in treating the primarily or situationally non orgasmic woman. The one category that obviously needs significant improvement of the therapeutic approach is that of random orgasmic inadequacy (37. 5 percent).

Orgasm Experience

Infrequent or rare orgasmic return with both masturbatory and coital experience has defied the Foundation’s current therapeutic approaches. In some cases there were detrimental interpersonal relationships that could not be altered successfully.

In others there was no evidence of inherent levels of sexual tension either presently or historically described. In the majority of situations, however, the cotherapists did not find an answer to resolve the problem of random orgasmic inadequacy.

Were the failure rate in this category improved to parallel that of other categories of orgasmic inadequacy, there would be no statistical significance in reported return between the failure rates in treatment of primary or situational orgasmic dysfunction.

The close approximation of failure rates in the two arbitrary clinical divisions of woman’s non orgasmic status supports the concept of uniformity of treatment approach, regardless of whether the woman has ever had previous orgasmic experience.

An overview of female sexual dysfunction commonly reveals a stalemate in the sociosexual adaptive process at the point at which a woman’s desire for sexual expression crashes into a personal fear or conviction that her role as a sexual entity is without the unique contribution of herself as an individual.

For some reason, her permission to function as a sexual being or her confidence in herself as a functional sexual entity has been impaired. The stalemate may be derived from negation of her own sexual identity or from the attitudes and circumstances of marital interaction.

The influence may emanate from her partner’s unwitting or deliberate contribution to her loss of personal and sexual self-esteem; or it may emerge on signal from her earlier imprinted, conditioned, and experientially created sexual value system.

The blocking of receptivity to sexual stimuli is an unfortunate result of factors which deprive her of the capacity to value the sexual component of her personality or prevent her from placing its value within the context of her life.

Categories
Treat Orgasm

Sexual Intercourse Technique

Impotence, intercourse position, sexual function, sexual intercourse, sexual pleasure, erectile dysfunction, orgasm, ejaculation, penis treatment, Female, Top, Position, Female Position

Sexual Intercourse

Probably the most effective technique is that of the teasing approach of light-touch moving at random from the breasts to the abdomen to the thighs to the labia to the thighs and back to the abdomen and breasts without concentrating specifically on pelvic manipulation early in the stimulative episode.

Particularly should direct approach to the clitoral area be avoided initially in this process. This “exercise” becomes even more effective as a means of female sex-tension increment, when interlaced with sensate-focus, stroking techniques introduced after roundtable discussion.

The male partner must be careful not to inject any personal demand for sexual performance into his female partner’s pattern of response.

The husband must not set goals for his wife.

He must not try to force responsivity.

His role is that of accommodation, warmth, understanding, and holding, but he should not be so pacific that his own sexual pleasure is negated for either himself or his partner.

Through total cooperation he allows his wife to drift with sensate pleasure and provides her with sensual stimulation without forcing her to contend with an accompanying sense of goal oriented demand to respond to a forcing form of manipulation.

The cotherapists must make it quite clear to the husband that orgasmic release is not the focus of this sexual interaction.

Manipulation of breast, pelvis, and other body areas varying from the lightest touch to an increase in pressure only at partner direction, should provide the wife with the opportunity to express her sexual responsivity freely, but without any concept of demand for an endpoint (orgasmic) goal. It must be emphasized that the effectiveness of a stimulative session is not lost to the woman simply because the session is terminated without orgasmic experience.

There is a tremendous accrual of sexual facility and interest for any woman when she knows that there will be a repeat opportunity for further sexual expression in the immediate future.

Sexual Stimulative Effects

Thus, the husband’s light, teasing, non demanding approach to touch and manipulation allows the female partner full freedom to express her interests, her demands, her sexual tensions. This sequence of opportunities permits accumulation of stimulative effects which will provide the source of her ultimate release of maximum sex-tension increment at some future point.

All specific exercises aimed toward the wife’s fulfillment of her orgasmic capacity always are introduced by direction of the cotherapists on the basis of marital-unit report. When husband and wife describe the fact that previous directions have produced a positive return of stimulative pleasure, their next level of sexual involvement is approached.

This treatment concept means, of course, that a steady progression of exercises does not necessarily take place on daily schedule. For instance, marital partners who never have verbally shared sexual reactions or expressed sexual preferences to each other usually take longer to appreciate a positive level of sexual-tension return than less restrained, more communicative husbands and wives.

Another example of delayed reactive potential centers upon marital units that have coped with functional distress for extended periods of time. These husbands and wives usually require longer to adapt to and become comfortable with their revised patterns of sexual behavior than those whose sexual dysfunction has been relatively brief.

It has been further observed that successful marital-unit adaptation to a state of sexual dysfunction, in itself a possible indication of individual and marital-unit strengths, may present a higher level of inherent resistance to reversal of the stated inadequacy than more dissident, fragmented marital relationships.

Cotherapists must constantly bear in mind during the rapid-treatment program that the authoritative introduction of specific exercises represents a deliberate breakdown of woman’s sexual responsivity into its natural components. Each exercise is introduced singly and continued until appreciated. All exercises are accrued one after another in a natural building process until they have been reassembled into the whole of an established sexual response pattern.

The directive pattern, in which each item is repeated as a new one is added in each successive verse until all items are assembled. Therefore, the marital unit must be reminded quietly each time a new direction for specific sexual activity is introduced that this introduction of new material is not an indication that previous exercises and their concomitant pleasures must be relinquished in order to enjoy the new experience.

Rather, as each new psycho physiological concept is provided for marital partner assimilation, older exercises are constantly restated until the whole reactive process is assembled.

At this point, marital partners frequently may have acquired a gavotte-like approach to sexual expression when employing the directive suggestions rather than spontaneously incorporating each new physical approach or stimulative concept into their own style or pattern of behavior.

The marital couple will need reminding that on a long-range basis there is little return from clocking each component of the therapeutic pattern for a specific length of time or introducing each new exercise into their sexual interaction in a purely mechanical manner, solely because it has been suggested by impersonal authority rather than mutually evolved.

Emphasis should be placed upon the fact that there is marked individual variation in the time span in which each area of sensory perception is appreciated. Mood, level of need, quality of partner involvement, etc., all vary widely, frequently on a day-to-day basis.

There will be occasions when spontaneous non specific or even a sexual social interaction will replace all the “touch and feeling” (foreplay) that have been so enjoyable and so necessary at other times.

Whenever exercises in sensate focus, especially those using specifically positioned opportunities have initiated newfound levels of stimulative appreciation for the non orgasmic woman, the appropriately sequential step is suggested for unit exploration during their next phase of sexual interaction.

It is essential to successful therapy to emphasize again and again the concept that sexual response can neither be programmed nor made to happen. The marital unit also must be encouraged continually to create an environment that fulfills the stimulative (bio-physical and psychosocial) requirements of each partner and in which sex-tension increment can occur without any concept of performance demand.

Each successive phase of physical approach is introduced subsequent to establishing some evidence of encompassing psychosensual pleasure as perceived by the non orgasmic woman during a prior episode.

These phases develop in sequence from the first day’s sensory exploration which takes place following the roundtable discussion. If there is obvious female pleasure in the first sensate experience, the next phase includes specific manipulative approach to genital excitation, using, if possible, the positioning.

If the first day’s exercise in sensate pleasure has not developed a positive experience for the non orgasmic woman, the second day will again be devoted to these primary touch-and-feeling episodes, instead of moving into the genital manipulative episodes usually scheduled for Day two.

Genital manipulative episodes are continued until there is obvious evidence of elevated female sex tension, before moving on to the next phase in the psychosensory progression.

Subsequent to reported success in manual genital excitation, the marital, partners are asked to try the female-superior coital position, by which means the wife may translate previously established levels of sensate pleasure into an experience which includes the sensation of penile containment.

The specific intercourse techniques of this position have been discussed and illustrated as Female superior mounting is but another step in the gradual development of sexual awareness leading from simple, sensate focus to effective response in coital connection.

The husband is asked to assume a supine position in anticipation of his wife’s superior mounting. Intromission is to take place when both partners have reached the level of sexual interchange, full erection for the man and well-established lubrication for the woman that suggests the desire for further physical expression.

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Sexual Dysfunction Treatment

Sexual Dysfunction Treatment

sexually transmitted diseases, impotent, sexual performance, sex, sexual dysfunction, sexual therapy, sexual intercourse

In any approach to a psycho-physiological process, treatment concepts vary measurably from school to school and, similarly, from individual therapist to individual therapist. The Reproductive Biology Research Foundation’s theoretical approaches to the treatment of men and women distressed by some form of sexual dysfunction have altered significantly and, hopefully, have matured measurably during the past 11 years. There are founded on a combination of 15 years of laboratory experimentation and 11 years of clinical trial and error.

Sexual Response

When the laboratory program for the investigation in human sexual functioning was designed in 1954, permission to constitute the program was granted upon a research premise which stated categorically that the greatest handicap to successful treatment of sexual inadequacy was a lack of reliable physiological information in the area of human sexual response.

It was presumed that definitive laboratory effort would develop material of clinical consequence. This material in turn could be used by professionals in the field to improve methodology of therapeutic approach to sexual inadequacy. On this premise, a clinic for the treatment of human sexual dysfunction was established at Washington University School of Medicine in 1959, approximately five years after the physiological investigation was begun. The clinical treatment program was transferred to the Reproductive Biology Research Foundation in 1964.

When any new area of clinical investigation is constituted, standards must be devised in the hope of establishing some means of control over clinical experimentation. And so it was with the new program designed to treat sexual dysfunction. Supported by almost five years of prior laboratory investigation, fundamental clinical principles were established at the onset of the therapeutic program. The original treatment concepts still exist, even more strongly constituted today. As expected, there were obvious theoretical misconceptions in some areas, so alterations in Foundation’s policy inevitably have developed with experience.

Categories
Male Sex & Vaginismus

Sexual Trauma History

sexual, male, impotence, vaginismustrauma, sex, lesbian, vaginismus, marital, sex ,solition

The following history exemplifies onset of vaginismus subsequent to episodes of psychosexual trauma. There have been three women referred to therapy so physically and emotionally traumatized by unwelcome sexual attack that vaginismus developed subsequent to their traumatic experiences.

Couple C
When first seen, couple C had been married for 18 months, with repeated attempts to consummate the marriage reported as unsuccessful. The husband, age 31, reported effective sexual function with several other women prior to marriage. The wife, age 28, described successful sexual connection with four men over a five-year period before the specific episode of sexual trauma.

One of these relationships included coitus two or three times a week over a 10-month time span. She had been readily orgasmic in this association. The traumatic episode in her history was a well authenticated episode of gang rape with resultant physical trauma to the victim requiring two weeks’ hospitalization.

Extensive surgical reconstruction of the vaginal canal was necessary for basic physical rehabilitation. No psycho-therapeutic support was sought by or suggested for the girl following this experience.

Mr. and Mrs. C met one year after the rape episode and were married a year after their introduction. Prior to the marriage the husband-to-be was in full possession of the factual history of the gang raping and of the resultant physical distress.

During the latter stages of their engagement period, several attempts at intercourse proved unsuccessful in that despite full erection, penetration could not be accomplished. It was mutually agreed that in all probability the security of the marital state would release her presumed hysterical inhibitions. This did not happen.

After the marriage ceremony, attempts at consummation continued unsuccessful despite an unusually high degree of finesse, kindness, and discretion in the husband’s sexual approaches to his traumatized partner. Severe vaginismus was demonstrated during physical examination of the wife after referral to the Foundation.

The remaining two rape experiences were family-oriented and almost identical in history. In both instances young girls were physically forced by male members of their immediate family to provide sexual release, on numerous occasions, for men they did not know.

In one instance:
A father, and in another, an older brother, forced sexual partners upon teenage girls, 15 and 17 years of age and repeatedly stood by to insure the girls’ physical cooperation. Sexually exploited, emotionally traumatized, and occasionally physically punished, these girls became conditioned to the concept that all men were like that.

When released from family sexual servitude each girl avoided any possibility of sexual contact during the late teens and well into the twenties, until married at 25 and 29 years of age. Even then, they could not make themselves physically available to consummate their marriages, regardless of how strongly they willed sexual cooperation. Severe vaginismus was present in both eases.

The husbands’ physical and psychosexual examinations were within expected limits of normal variability. Neither husband had been made aware of the family-oriented episodes of controlled rape that had occurred years before their association with their wives-to-be.

Once apprised of the etiology of their wives’ psychosomatic illness, both men offered limitless cooperation in the therapeutic program. There are various etiological orientations to vaginismus. As evidenced previously, trauma initiating involuntary vaginal spasm can be either physiological or psychological, or both, in origin.

Of course there are factors of psychosomatic influence that predispose to vaginismus other than those frequently noted categories of channelized religious orthodoxy, male sexual dysfunction, and episodes of sexual trauma.

Categories
Knowing Woman Sexuality

Sexual Dysfunction

orgasm, pain at orgasm, myth, sexual, dysfunction

The most common dysfunctions treated by sex therapists are:

    • Anorgasmia: The women has never, or only rarely, reached orgasm.
    • Delayed Ejaculation: The man can act sexually though seldom, if ever, climaxes in his partner’s presence.
    • Erectile Insecurity: Also called impotence, the condition is marked by difficulty in either getting or staying erect.
    • Inhibited Sexual Desire: A form of sexual apathy marked by infrequent sex, and a lack of thoughts and anticipation of sex.
    • Premature Ejaculation: The man climaxes more rapidly than he or his partner wishes, sometimes before intercourse begins.
    • Vaginismus: The woman desires sex, but her vaginal muscles contract involuntarily, preventing penetration.
    • Inappropriate Arousal: Being aroused by that which a culture deems inappropriate: children, animals, objects.

Most sex therapists find that when a couple finally summon the nerve to seek help, the problem is usually in an advanced stage, and can no longer be ignored, or endured. In nearly all cases, both partners need to be treated together.

The female problems such as anorgasmia and vaginismus are rare and psychological in origin. If mild, they can be solved by the woman herself with a vibrator. If severe, visit a sex therapist without delay. Male problems of ejaculatory control respond to self therapy and professional help. An erection problem can be the first sign of pre-diabetes, and the man should be tested for this promptly.

Inhibited Sexual Desire (ISD) appears to be a modern complaint amongst modern couples. Sex therapists say that it is by far the nation’s most common sexual dysfunction. For what are usually complex reasons, often including a past sexual problem, one or both partners have lost all desire for erotic intimacy.

Yet ISD is a philosophical concept, not a biological one. When and how often people wish to make love is a subjective issue. At its best, erotic love is an exquisitely sensitive bloom. Even when nurtured with the utmost love and tenderness, it can wax and wane, like the cycles of the moon.

It seems a very modern concept to regard the genitals as a set of engine parts which should be working. And that if one of these parts slows down or stops functioning, it should be taken to the auto body shop, and fixed. This mechanical way of perceiving what can be a most delicate interaction probably suits mechanical thinkers.

Categories
Knowing Woman Sexuality

Orgasm

orgasm, pain at orgasm, myth, sexual, dysfunction

Erection

The clitoris is made of spongy tissue which can up fill with blood. This engorgement of tissue is vaso-congestion. Upon sexual arousal, extra blood from the pelvic arteries is pumped into the tissue, filling up the spongy spaces so that the clitoris swells in size. The muscles on each side contract and squeeze the only vein which runs along the top of the clitoris. This traps the extra blood inside; it cannot drain out. As more blood is pumped in, the swollen clitoris stiffens, rises, and lengthens to its maximum size. This is the process by which both the clitoris and penis become erect.

At the same time, extra blood is pumped into the vulva area, which thickens and flushes a deep red or purple. The outer labia swell to two or three times their pre-arousal size. The vagina responds with the sweating phenomenon. The walls are coated with moisture. The extensive system of connecting veins and muscles throughout the pelvis all respond to vaso-congestion. There is a feeling of fullness and heaviness, known as pelvic congestion. All this assists to move the woman towards the “orgasmic platform”.

The nipples also contain erectile tissue. At an early stage in arousal, they begin to harden and erect. The areola swells and spreads. The entire breasts are affected; they plump up and feel more tender; they are erotically charged when touched.

The Big O!

The clitoris and nipples are the main organs of arousal. If one or both are erotically stimulated for long enough, excitement increases until sexual tension becomes almost overpowering. As orgasm draws near, the clitoris becomes exquisitely sensitive; it cannot tolerate any more direct stimulation. It retracts, pulling back and retiring beneath its hood. Less often, the nipples become equally sensitive, and require no further stimulation.

Sexual tension is built by rhythmic friction. The thrusting of the penis causes maximum friction, maximum sensation, on the outer third of the vagina walls. In the missionary position, man on top, thrusting puts rhythmic pressure on the labia, which allows stimulation of the clitoris, though to a milder degree. Sucking or stroking the nipples in rhythmic movement produces the same effect. Erotic friction can be gentle or tough, slow or rapid, depending upon the particular needs at the time. Whichever, it must be rhythmic and persistent to build maximum sexual tension. As excitement increases, the entire body is charged with waves of tense pleasure. Muscle contractions ripple throughout the system. Like a waiting sneeze which has been building up, the persistency of the “friction factor” finally becomes explosive. The orgasmic platform has arrived. Now is the point of no return.

The vagina and surrounding tissues, the uterus, and sometimes the anus muscles all contract to a rhythmic beat at 0.8 second intervals; the same beat as in male orgasm. This beat can occur from between 3 to a maximum of 15 times, the same beat as in men. The last contractions are little more than ripples or shudders, again as in men. The more intense the orgasm, the longer the contractions last. A few women (and men) can have orgasms with no erotic friction whatsoever. They do it by fantasy, by imagination alone. Other women can have orgasms simply when they are kissed; the neck, earlobes, palms of the hands, toes — any part can be an erogenous zone.

The big “O’ varies. It is not always so big. There can be physical and emotional pleasure of such exquisite intensity that the feelings seem unendurable. There can be pleasing but low-key sensations which feel on a par with the satisfaction of a long-awaited sneeze. The degree of sensation at orgasm does not necessarily reflect on the woman, her partner, or the situation. They reflect on life. Orgasm is as variable as life itself.

Categories
Knowing Woman Sexuality

Phantom Orgasm

orgasm, pain at orgasm, myth, sexual, dysfunction

Sadly in life, horrendous things do happen. Women can become paralyzed in their pelvic region from road accidents, disease, and so on. They can lose all sensation in their pelvic area. Yet many paralyzed women continue to be orgasmic. However, our culture tends to perceive people with such disabilities as non-sexual. Indeed, medical textbooks refer to these orgasms as “phantom orgasms.” This is a phantom of medical folklore.

Be that as it may, it is critical to understand:

A woman can have an orgasm without penetration.
A woman can have an orgasm without a penis.
A man can have an orgasm without an erection.
A man can have an orgasm without a penis.

In fact, some women (and men) have orgasms merely by willing them. They do not require foreplay, nor thrusting, to raise sexual tension first. This is rare, but it can and does happen. Keep in mind that people are individuals, and have very different levels of sexual drive.

The human spirit is a wonderful phenomenon. It can withstand the most appalling vicissitudes and still respond with courage and resourcefulness. Women are said to be more stoical than men. They are able to endure more pain, both mental and physical.

Loss of sensation is a savage assault on female primacy. A woman’s first response can be equally savage and destructive. If she responds with a seemingly quiet and depressive state, this is as damaging emotionally as a raging and bitter response. Keep in mind that the healing process can be speeded up by orgasm if so desired. Use a vibrator, erotica, anything which works.

In a loving relationship, the partner can take control. Seduce her out of her angry or passive state. Shock her out of grief and pain by relighting her sexual fires. Turn her emotional energies away from her broken body and back to where happiness awaits.

Avoid over-concern with her feelings. She is a woman still, a real woman, and will find your particular brand of “medication” irresistible. Tell her that she is desirable. Continue to enchant her until she has an orgasm. Then tell her she is so desirable that she must be prepared for another love-making session soon.

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Impotence Cure

Sexual Dysfunction in Husband & Wife

Alternative, erection treatment, impotent, impotence, erection, penis, stimulate sex, sexual dysfunction, Maintain, Erection, Maintain Erection

Of course, most wives would not consider public discussion of the sexual inadequacy in their marriages. For a variety of reasons, they choose to keep their own counsel.

They may feel that their husband’s dysfunction has origin in, or at least is magnified by, their own lack of physical appeal, or that they forced this inadequacy by their lack of competence of sexual functioning.

Most women identify completely with and suffer for, their husbands in sexual inadequacy. They feel warmth and sympathy and understand the psychosocial trauma created by his obvious failure in the marriage bed.

For a variety of reasons then, most women would not consider discussing their husband’s sexual dysfunction even with their closest friend.

But most women, whether they accuse publicly or support privately, do not comprehend the degree to which they have directly influenced their husband’s sexual inadequacy.

There is no such entity as an uninvolved partner in a marriage contending with any form of sexual inadequacy.

Sexual Dysfunction is A Couple’s Problem

not a husband’s or wife’s problem.

Therefore, husband and wife should be treated simultaneously when symptoms of impotence distress the husband and wife. The Foundation will not treat a husband for impotence or a wife for non-orgasmic return as single entities.

If not accompanied by his wife, the impotent husband is not accepted in therapy. Both marital partners have not only contributed to but are totally immersed in, the clinical distress by the time any unit is seen in therapy.

How best to treat clinical impotence? The first tenet in therapy is to avoid the expected, direct clinical approach to the symptoms of erective inadequacy.

The secret of successful therapy (for this dysfunction):
is not to treat the symptoms of impotence at all, for to do so means attempting to train or educate the male to attain a satisfactory erection, and places the therapist at exactly the same psychological disadvantage as that of the impotent male trying to will an erection.

Therapists cannot supplant or improve on a natural process and achievement and maintenance of penile erection is a natural process.

The major therapeutic contribution involves convincing the emotionally distraught male that he does not have to be taught, to establish an erection. He cannot be taught to achieve an erection any more than he can be taught to breathe.

Erections develop just as involuntarily and with just as little effort as breathing. This is the salient therapeutic fact the disturbed man must learn. No man can will an erection.

Every impotent man has to negate or neutralize a number of psychosocial influences which have helped to create his sexual dysfunction if he is to achieve erective effectiveness.

However, the prevalent roadblock is one of fear. Fear can prevent erections just as fear can increase the respiratory rate or lead to diarrhea or vomiting.

At the onset of therapy, the impotent man’s fears of performance and his resultant spectator’s role are described specifically by the co-therapists and must be accepted in totality by the distressed male if reversal of the sexual dysfunction is to be accomplished.

Every impotent male is only too cognizant of his fears of performance, and, once the point is emphasized, he also is completely aware of the involuntary spectator role he plays during the coital attempt.

The Three Primary Goals in Treating Impotence Are:

  1. remove the man’s fears for sexual performance
  2. to reorient involuntary behavioral patterning so that he becomes an active participant, far removed from his accustomed spectator’s role.
  3. to relieve the wife’s fears for her husband’s sexual performance.

Whenever any individual evaluates his sexual performance or that of his partner during an active sexual encounter, he is removing sex from its natural context. And this, of course, is the all-important factor in both onset of and reversal of sexual inadequacy.

Penis flaccidity
With any form of sexual dysfunction, sex is removed from its natural context. The man watching carefully to see whether he is to achieve erection sweats and strains to will that erection.

The more the male strains the more distracted he becomes and the less input of sensual pleasures he receives from his partner; therefore, the more entrenched the continued state of penile flaccidity.

Sexual Tension

In a natural cycle of sexual response, there is input to any sexually involved individual from two sources.

As an example, presume an interested husband approaching his receptive wife. There are two principal sources of his sexual excitation. The first is developed as the husband approaches his wife sexually, stimulating her to high levels of sexual tension.

Her biophysical response to his stimulative approach (her pleasure factor), usually expressed by means of nonverbal communication, is highly exciting to the male partner. While pleasing his wife and noting the signs of her physical excitation (increased muscle tone, rapid breathing, flushed face, abundance of vaginal lubrication), he usually develops an erection and does so without any direct physical approach from his wife.

In this situation, he is giving himself to his wife and getting a high level of sexual excitation from her in return.

The second source of male stimulation develops as the wife approaches her husband with direct physical contact.

Regardless of the technique employed, his wife’s direct approach to his body generally, and the pelvic area specifically, is sexually exciting and usually productive of an erection.

When stimuli from both sources are combined by mutuality of sexual play, the natural effect is the rapid elevation of sexual tension resulting in a full, demanding erection.

Often men move into a pattern of erective failure because they do not experience sensate input from both sides of the give-to-get cycle. Loss of supportive sexual excitation frequently develops not because wives are unavailable or uninterested but because one or both of the basic modes of input of sexual stimuli is blocked.

Categories
Erectile Dysfunction

Sexual Replacement

sex partner, sexual dysfunction, impotence, sexual replacement, partner surrogate

Thirteen women have accompanied unmarried men to the Foundation, agreeing to serve as replacement partners to support these men during treatment for sexual dysfunction. In all instances, both individuals were accepted in therapy with full knowledge of the referring authority.

Since the women were selected by the men involved, they were accepted as if they were wives. They were interrogated in-depth and attended all therapy sessions. They lived with the unmarried males as marital partners, in contrast to the partner surrogate, who spent only specific hours during each day with the sexually dysfunctional male.

Details of treatment for the various forms of male sexual dysfunction need not be repeated; clinical situations with replacement partners are managed in the same way as with wives.

Of the 13 men, 4 were premature ejaculators who with the aid of their replacement partners had this particular symptom brought under control. Of the 2 men who were primarily impotent, 1 achieved success in coital function and the other finished the course of therapy without resolving his sexual dysfunction.

Of the 7 secondarily impotent men who brought replacement partners to therapy, 5 experienced a successful reversal of their symptoms during the two-week clinical program.

Three unmarried women referred to the Foundation brought with them replacement partners of their choice. In each instance, the current relationship was one of significant duration. The shortest span of mutual commitment was reported as six months. Two of the three women had previously been married.

Replacement Partners

Were treated as husbands of sexually inadequate wives. They attended all sessions and went through in-depth history taking to provide information sufficient to define their roles in providing relief for their distressed women companions.

Two women provided histories of situational orgasmic dysfunction with occasional orgasmic return with manipulative or mouth genital approaches, but they had never been orgasmic during coition. In one instance coital orgasmic return was accomplished.

In the second it was not. In both circumstances, the male replacement partners were totally cooperative with therapists and patients. In the third instance, a woman reporting that she had never been orgasmic was indeed fully orgasmic both with manipulative and coital opportunities during the acute phase of the therapeutic program. Again, full cooperation from the replacement partner was both expected and received.

No unmarried woman has been referred for therapy without being accompanied by a replacement partner of her choice, nor has there been any professional concept that a male partner surrogate would be provided if an unmarried woman had been unable to establish a meaningful relationship with a cooperative man before referral to the program.

Refusing to make a male partner surrogate available to a sexually inadequate woman, yet providing a female partner surrogate for a dysfunctional man seems to imply application of a double standard for clinical treatment; such is not the case.

As repeatedly described, psychosocial factors encouraged in this method of psychotherapy are developed from the individual’s existing value system.

Sexual Heritage

A man places a primary valuation on his capacity for effective sexual function. This is both valid and realistic. His sexual effectiveness fulfills the requirement of procreation and is honored with society’s approval, thereby providing support for the cultural idiosyncrasy of equating sexual function with masculinity.

Even prior exposure to a “sex is sin” environment does not preempt this primary valuation. As a result, a man usually regards the contribution made by a partner surrogate as he would a prescription for other physical incapacities. Further, he is able to value a woman who makes such a contribution.

For him, the restoration of sexual function justifies putting aside temporarily any other value requirements which might exist.

For her, on the other hand does not have a similar sexual heritage. As far as is known, her effectiveness of sexual function is not necessary to procreation.

In addition, prevailing attitudes through much of history have not encouraged valuation of female sexuality as a means of human expression.

Therefore, partner surrogate selection for the sexually incompetent woman would require quite different psychosocial considerations than would a similar selection for a sexually inadequate man.

Socio culturally induced requirements are usually reflected by woman’s need for a relatively meaningful relationship which can provide her with “permission” to value her own sexual function. It is the extreme difficulty of meeting this requirement in a brief, two-week period which influenced Foundation policy to deny the incorporation of the male partner surrogate into treatment concepts, yet to accept male replacement partners selected by the unmarried women themselves to join them in the program.

In all cases, the length and security of the relationship had been firmly established before the patient was referred. This key area of therapeutic concern was, of course, carefully checked with referring authority before accepting the unmarried woman for treatment.

For the sexually dysfunctional woman, security of an established man-woman relationship, real identification with the male partner, and warmth and expression of mutual emotional responsivity are all of vital concern first, in securing a positively oriented sexual value system and, second, in promoting effective sexual functioning.

These social and sexual securities cannot be established in the brief period of time available during the acute phase of the therapeutic program. For these reasons, the use of a male partner surrogate in the treatment of sexually dysfunctional unmarried women was felt contraindicated.

Categories
Ejaculatory Incompetence

Sexual Failure

sex partner, sexual dysfunction, impotence, sexual replacement, partner surrogate

Several episodes of erective failure had developed during the last six months of the marriage. The man’s severe levels of distraction, created by the ambiguity of his commitments, were obvious. The non ejaculatory pattern was one of first withholding voluntarily and then being unable to ejaculate on demand.

Virgin male

One man was single at the time of therapy, although he had been previously married for approximately one year. His marriage was annulled. His basic distress was simply that of fear of performance. Strangely, the performance fears did not arise from failed experience (he was a 29-year-old virgin at marriage), nor were religious, family, or homosexual influences of particular moment. He had been particularly insecure and introverted as a teenager.

Dating was not attempted until 19 years of age and was rarely enjoyed thereafter. Social interchange was a rarity with either male or female companions. His postgraduate degree was in Library Science, and in his obvious withdrawal from social reality books were his companions.

He met and married a 33-year-old woman with an almost identical background of withdrawal from social participation. The gavotte-like courtship consumed three years and confined sexual expression to kissing and handholding.

Although widely read on the subject of sexual functioning, the man had only attempted masturbatory release a half dozen times in his life and had failed to ejaculate on two of these occasions.

His guilt feelings about masturbation in general, and his grave concern with the two failed masturbatory performances in particular, tended to reduce any interest in overt sexual functioning.

Since he had a fairly regular pattern of pleasurable experience with nocturnal emission, his comparison of these two experiences led him to believe that he was inadequate in ejaculatory function when under the stress of conscious sexual stimulation.

The wedding night and a subsequent year of repetitive attempts at coital functioning proved him right in his assumption that he could not ejaculate with penile containment and under the stress of overt sexual stimulation. His wife took the fact of his ejaculatory incompetence to reflect personal rejection of her as a woman and, after a year of marriage, sought and was granted an annulment. His last attempts at sexual performance before the annulment were reported as partial or complete erective failures.

Seven months after termination of the marriage the man was referred for treatment. He was treated successfully with the aid of a partner surrogate.

Ejaculatory incompetence in youth

He was seen in therapy with a history of ejaculatory incompetence dating from age 18; he was surprised by the police in a local “lovers’ lane” parking area while being manipulated to ejaculation by a young woman. The girl’s terror and his overwhelming embarrassment and fear of public exposure left an indelible residual.

Although actual exposure did not occur, he was unable to ejaculate intravaginally through two subsequent engagements and numerous other coital opportunities. He had no homosexual history. Since he had been on the verge of ejaculating when surprised, he thereafter was always frozen by fear of observation when a similar level of excitation developed.

When seen on referral to the Foundation, he was voluntarily accompanied by a young woman to whom he was married a few days after termination of the acute phase of therapy. Since this is a unique situation, this couple has been listed in the general statistics as married rather than considered as a man with a replacement partner. They had planned to be married as soon as therapy proved successful and the possibility for future pregnancy was established.

Four of the 17 men referred for ejaculatory incompetence could and did ejaculate intravaginally both before and during marriage until a specifically traumatic event, psychosocial in origin, terminated their facility for or interest in intravaginal ejaculation.

  1. In the first instance, after six years of marriage the husband unexpectedly encountered his wife committing adultery. Her partner had just ejaculated and was withdrawing as the husband entered the bedroom. The traumatic picture of observing seminal fluid escaping his wife’s vagina was his first fixed observation of activity in the bedroom. Forgiveness was begged and in time conceded. But when husband and wife coition was attempted, the mental imagery of seminal fluid escaping the vagina was sufficient to depress the husband’s ejaculatory interest. He could not live with the concept of his seminal fluid mingling even symbolically with her lover’s ejaculate.
  2. In the second instance, husband and wife were surprised in the primal scene by their two children, ages six and eight, bursting into the bedroom. They were in active coital connection without clothes or the protection of bedding. The husband, just in the act of ejaculating, could not stop. The children’s observation of the continuing coital connection was infinitely more disturbing to him than to his wife. He was devastated by the interruption. For the next nine years, whenever ejaculation was imminent, no matter how well-locked the door, the fears of interruption and observation were such that this man could not ejaculate intravaginally.
  3. c) In the third instance, after 12 years of marriage and two children the wife insisted upon having a third child, which the husband neither wanted, nor personally felt was indicated for psychosocial and financial reasons. For nine months he controlled his ejaculatory urge whenever his wife, following her menstrual calendar, insisted upon coital connection.

Finally, agreeing to his terms for continuance of effective sexual function in the marriage, his wife instituted contraceptive protection to avoid pregnancy. However, ejaculatory incompetence had been established, and the husband continued incapable of intravaginal ejaculation during the subsequent four-and-a-half-year period before seeking consultation.

Contraceptive

Finally, in a marriage of just over 21 years duration. The husband had established a strong attachment to another woman and was having regular intercourse outside of marriage. His mistress made him aware that she had suffered through a previous illegitimate pregnancy and constantly expressed serious concern for any risk of conception; so he accepted the responsibility for contraception and chose to use condoms routinely.

On one occasion the condom ruptured just as he was ejaculating.

The young woman’s initial screams of protest when she became aware of his transgression and the hysterical evidence of the severe levels of her pregnancy phobia were major blows. They never met again.

His traumatic reaction to her total rejection of him personally was of such magnitude that he was no longer able to ejaculate intravaginally with his wife. The memory of his failed commitment to contraceptive protection was so vivid and his sense of loss so painful that whenever ejaculation was imminent he would stop thrusting or withdraw.

His wife had no concept of the cause for the major reversal in his established pattern of sexual behaviour and took his state of voluntary ejaculatory incompetence as evidence