Categories
Sexual Dysfunction

Male Orgasm Influence

Professionals many times look for a specific influence or conditioning that predetermines sexual failure, and in most instances it can be identified if the delving goes deep enough.

Instances of neither positive nor negative dominance by either biophysical or psychosocial influence structures. If a woman has never established a close juxtaposition between the biophysical and psychosocial systems of influence because she has lived in a protective vacuum, she will not have been stimulated to develop her own sexual value system and therefore will tend to neutralize most input material of sexual implication.

The case history
below is presented to emphasize the fact that there need be no dominant influence (either positive or negative) in the development of primary orgasmic dysfunction.

Mrs. B was an only child of parents in their thirties when she was born. Both parents, teachers in a small, church-oriented college, were more restrained by habit of life-style and their own relationship than by religious influence.

The child did not develop as an extension of their presumed intellectual interests but became the “doll” whom they dressed exquisitely, handled little, and disregarded emotionally (as she perceived her upbringing). There was no real source of female identification, no opportunity to establish a sexual value system.

All decisions in her behalf included the theoretically objective presentation of two alternatives, but parental, primarily mother’s preference was emphasized. Mrs. B had no recollection of making a definitive decision of her own until her sophomore year at college, when she chose for a husband a relatively older man (he was in graduate school and seven years her senior). With this one decision she again relinquished all opportunity for self-determination.

They married upon his graduation at the end of her junior year in college. His assumption of total authority in marriage appeared more by default than demand and continued through 11 years of marriage, during which two children were born.

During the first years of the marriage, Mrs. B maintained a complacent attitude toward her sexual role within the marriage. However, in the last six years of the marriage she developed an intense desire to realize full sexual expression for herself and greater sexual pleasure for her husband.

Husband behavior
In this latter period her husband’s behavior, though warm and protective, was highly restrained in sexual as well as other facets of the marital relationship. He participated in the Foundation’s program with complete willingness, although with little concept of what or how anything in the marriage could be changed.

Reared by an older aunt and uncle he had learned little, by direction or observation, of the potential for human interaction on a personal level. However, he fortunately had not been given any primarily negative indoctrination.

Mrs. B’s enthusiasm for an effective sexual relationship within the marriage was and still is defined as real, but she has been unable to overcome anesthesia to any sensory perception that she can relate to erotic arousal. She has been unable to establish sensory reference within which to develop and relate her well-defined affection and regard for her husband.

The two contributing systems of influence on sexual function:
Remained in displaced positioning one from the other. To date she has demonstrated-insufficient emotional or intellectual capacity to establish a symbiotic state between her two systems of influence.

It is with mixed clinical reaction that the cotherapists regard the positive reaction of Mr. B to therapy. His response was one of delighted enthusiasm to the concept of interaction marked by both physical and verbal communication.

His feeling for his wife was intensified and he has become completely comfortable in a demonstrative marital role. While both partners feel that the alteration in the quality of the marital relationship is of significant proportion, the therapy has in fact failed to achieve the aim of reversal of the presenting distress.

This case represents a strikingly intense degree of negative conditioning, yet there was little of content in the history that could be termed specifically negative in its rejection of sexual expression.

This case also represents an example of the possible clinical warning system revealed by a negative reaction to the use of a moisturizing lotion as a medium of physical exchange. Mrs. B found its use “distracting” and of little meaning to the exchange with her partner.

While Mr. B found it to be the crucial contribution to establishing his initial ability to touch and feel with comfort and receptivity.

Categories
Sexual Dysfunction

Inadequate Orgasm

To consider situationally non orgasmic, a woman must have experienced at least one instance of orgasmic expression, regardless of whether it was induced by self or by partner manipulation, developed during vaginal or rectal coital connection, or stimulated by oral-genital exchange.

Orgasmic experience during homosexual encounter would rule out any possibility of a diagnosis of primary orgasmic dysfunction. Three arbitrary categories of situational sexual dysfunction have been defined as masturbatory, coital, and random orgasmic inadequacy.

A woman with masturbatory orgasmic inadequacy has not achieved orgasmic release by partner or self-manipulation in either homosexual or heterosexual experience. She can and does reach orgasmic expression during coital connection.

Coital orgasmic inadequacy applies to the great number of women who have never been able to achieve orgasmic return during coition. The category includes women able to masturbate or to be manipulated to orgasmic return and those who can respond to orgasmic release from oral-genital or other stimulative techniques.

The random orgasmic-inadequacy grouping includes those women with histories of orgasmic return at least once during both manipulative and coital opportunities. These women are rarely orgasmic and usually are aware of little or no physical need for sexual expression.

For Example:
They might achieve orgasmic return with coital activity on a vacation, but never while at home. Occasionally these women might masturbate to orgasm if separated from a sexual partner for long periods of time. Usually when they obtain orgasmic release, the experience is as much of a surprise to them as it is to their established sexual partner.

The situational non orgasmic state may best be described by again pointing out the varying levels of dominance created by the biophysical and the psychosocial structures of influence. If the woman’s sexual value system reflects sufficiently negative input from prior conditioning psychosocial influence, she may not be able to adapt sexual expression to the positive stimulus of the particular time, place, or circumstance of her choosing nor develop a responsive reaction to the partner of her choice.

If that part of any woman’s sexual value system susceptible to the influence of the biophysical structure is overwhelmed by a negative input from pain with any attempted coital connection, there rarely will be effective sexual response.

Thus there is a multiplicity of influences thrown onto the balance wheel of female sexual responsivity. It is fortunate that the two major systems of influence accommodate these variables through involuntary interdigitation. If there were not the probability of admixture of influence, there might be relatively few occasions of female orgasmic experience.

Sexual Partner

A major source of orgasmic influence for both primarily and situationally dysfunctional women is partner orientation. What value has the male partner in the woman’s eyes? Does the chosen male maintain his image of masculinity? Regardless of his acknowledged faults, does he meet the woman’s requirements of character, intelligence, ego strength, drive, physical characteristics, etc.?

Obviously every woman’s, partner requirements vary with her age, personal experience and confidence, and the requisites of her sexual value system.

The two case story below underscore the variables of woman’s orientation to her male sexual partner. The histories of Mr. and Mrs. E and Mr. and Mrs. F are presented, to emphasize that a potential exists for radical change in attitudinal concepts during the course of any marriage.

Mr. and Mrs. E
were referred for treatment of orgasmic dysfunction after 23 years of marriage. They had two children, a girl 20 and a boy 29.

The history of sexual dysfunction dated back to the twelfth year of the marriage. Both had relatively unremarkable backgrounds with relation to family, education, and religious influences.

Both had masturbated as teenagers and had intercourse with other partners and with each other before marriage. Mrs. E usually had been orgasmic during these coital opportunities with her husband-to-be and with two other partners.

During the first twelve years of the marriage the couple prospered financially and socially, and had many common interests. Their sexual expression resolved into an established pattern of sexual release two or three times a week.

There was regularity of orgasmic return and frequently multi orgasmic return during intercourse. During the twelfth year of the marriage, the unit experienced a severe financial reversal. Mr. E was discharged from his position with the company that had employed him since the start of the marriage.

In the following 18 months he was unsuccessful in obtaining any permanent type of employment. He became chronically depressed and drank too much. The established pattern of couple sexual encounter was either quite reduced or, on occasions, demandingly increased.

Husband Extramarital Relationship
Then Mrs. E found that her husband was involved in an extramarital relationship and confronted him in the matter. A bitter argument followed, and she refused him the privilege of the marital bed. This sexual isolation lasted for approximately six months, during which time.

Mr. E began working again, regained control of his alcohol intake, and terminated his extramarital interest. For the duration of this isolation period Mrs. E had no coital opportunity and did not masturbate. When the privilege of the bedroom was restored, to her surprise she was distracted rather than stimulated by her husband’s sexual approaches and was not orgasmic.

She had lost confidence in her husband not only as an individual but also as a masculine figure. Mrs. E found herself going through the motions sexually. From the time the bedroom door was reopened until the unit was seen in therapy, she was non orgasmic regardless of the mode of sexual approach. Coital connection had dwindled to a ten-day to two week frequency of “wifely duty.”

When a major element in any woman’s sexual value system (partner identification in this instance) is negated or neutralized by a combination of circumstances, many women find no immediate replacement factor. Until they do, their facility for sexual responsivity frequently remains jeopardized.

When Mr. E combined loss of his masculine image as provider with excessive alcohol intake and, in addition, acquired another sexual partner, he destroyed his wife’s concept of his sexual image, and, in doing so, removed from availability a vital stimulative component of her sexual value system. The negative input of psychosocial influence created by Mr. E’s loss of masculinity and impairment of her sense of sexual desirability was sufficient to inhibit her natural sexual responsivity.


Mr. and Mrs. F

were referred for treatment six years after they married when he was 29 and she was 24 years old. They had one child, a girl, during their third year together. Mrs. F Was from a family of seven children and remembers a warm community experience in growing up with harried but happy parents.

Mr. F had exactly the opposite background. He was an only child in a family where both father and mother devoted themselves to his every interest, in short, the typical overindulged single child.

He had masturbated from early teens, had a number of sexual experiences, and one brief engagement with coital connection maintained regularly for six months before he terminated the commitment. Mrs. F, although she dated regularly as a girl, was fundamentally oriented to group-type social commitments. She rarely had experienced single dating.

The school years were uneventful for both individuals. They met and married almost by accident. When they first began dating, each was interested in someone else. However, their mutual interest increased rapidly and developed into a courtship that included regularity of coital connection for three months before marriage.

Every social decision was made by Mr. F during the courtship. The same pattern of total control continued into marriage. He insisted on making all decisions and was consistently concerned with his own demands, paying little or no attention to his wife% interests. A constant friction developed, as is so frequently the case with marital partners whose backgrounds are diametrically opposed.

Mrs. F had not been orgasmic before marriage. In marriage she was orgasmic on several occasions with manipulation but not during coition. As the personal friction between the marital partners increased, she found herself less and less responsive during active coital connection.

Pregnancy intervened sex
There was occasional orgasmic success with manipulation. Pregnancy intervened at this time, distracting her for a year, but thereafter her lack of coital return was distressing to her and most embarrassing to her husband.

He worried as much about his image as a sexually effective male as he did about his wife’s levels of sexual frustration. Mrs. F’s lack of effective sexual response was considered a personal affront by her uninformed husband.

They consulted several authorities on the matter of her sexual inadequacy. The husband always sent his wife to authority to have something done to or for her. The thought that the situation might have been in any measure his responsibility was utterly foreign to him.

When the unit was referred for therapy he at first refused to join her in treatment on the basis that it was her problem. When faced with Foundation demand that both partners cooperate or the problem would not be accepted for treatment, Mr. F grudgingly consented to participate.

Little comment is needed. This intentionally brief history is typical of the woman who cannot identify with her partner because he will not allow such communication. There is no world as dosed to the vital ingredient of marital expression as that of the world of the indulged only child.

Particularly is this attitudinal background incomprehensible to a woman with a typical large family orientation. When Mr. F failed to accord his wife the representation of her own requirements, she had no opportunity to think or feel sexually. The catalytic ingredient of mutual partner involvement was missing.

Categories
Sexual Dysfunction

Impotent and Female Orgasm

Although emphasis has been placed upon the role of premature ejaculation in the etiology of primary orgasmic dysfunction, primary or secondary impotence also contributes. Again the basic theme of man and woman coital interaction must be emphasized.

If there is not a sexually effective male partner, the female partner has the dual handicap of fear for her husband’s sexual performance as well as for her own.

If there is no penile erection there will be no effective coital connection.

Frequently women married to impotent men cannot accept the idea of developing masturbatory facility or being manipulated to orgasm as a substitute for tension release.

However, if there has been a masturbatory pattern established before coital inadequacy assumes dominance, most women can return to this sexual outlet. In this situation there is sufficient dominance of the previously conditioned biophysical structure to overcome negative input from a psychosocial system distressed by sexual performance fears.

But if there have been no previous substitute measures established, many women cannot turn to this mode of relief once impotence halts effective coital connection. In this situation the psychosocial structure, unopposed by prior biophysical conditioning, assumes the dominant influence in the woman’s sexual response pattern.

Mr. and Mrs. D
were referred to treatment of orgasmic inadequacy after four years of marriage. When seen in therapy she was 27 and her husband 43 years old. He had been married twice previously. There were children of both marriages and none in the current marriage.

The husband also was sexually dysfunctional in that he was secondarily impotent.

His second marriage had been terminated due to his inability to continue effective coital connection. Although, when the unit was seen in consultation the marriage had been consummated, coitus occurred only once or twice a year.

Mrs. D’s background reflected somewhat limited financial means. Her father had died when the three siblings were young, and the family had been raised by their mother, who worked while the grandmother took care of the children.

Clothes were hand-me-downs, food the bare essentials. Her education had of necessity terminated with high school, and she worked as a receptionist in several different offices before her marriage. She continued to live at home while working and contributed what salary she made to help with the family’s limited income.

Mrs. D met her future husband when he visited the office where she worked. He invited the young woman to lunch. She accepted and married him four months later without knowledge of his sexual inadequacy, although she had been somewhat puzzled by his lack of forceful sexual approach during the brief courtship.

Mrs. D’s own sexual history had been one of a few unsuccessful attempts at masturbation, numerous petting episodes with boys in and out of high school, but no attempted coital connection. She had never been orgasmic.

Her husband had inherited a large estate and his financial situation certainly was the determining factor in his wife’s marital commitment. Since the girl had been distressed by a family background of genteel poverty, she felt the offer of marriage to be her real opportunity both to escape her environment and to help her two younger siblings.

The wedding trip was an unfortunate experience for Mrs. D when she realized for the first time that her husband had major functional difficulties. She knew little of male sexual response beyond the petting experiences but did try to help him achieve an erection by a multiplicity of stimulative approaches at his direction. There was no success in erective attainment.

The marriage was not consummated until six months after the ceremony. In the middle of the night Mr. D awoke with an erection, moved to his wife, and inserted the penis. She experienced mild pain but reacted with pleasure, feeling that progress had been made.

However, following the usual pattern of .a secondarily impotent male, progress was fleeting. As stated, there were only a few other coital episodes in the course of the four-year marriage. In these instances she always was awakened from sleep by her husband when he awoke to find himself with an erection.

Quick Ejaculation
Then there was rapid intromission and quick ejaculation. There was no history of a successful sexual approach by her husband under her conscious direction, insistence, or stimulation. Mr. D tried repetitively during long-continued manipulative and oral-genital sessions to bring his wife to orgasm, without result.

When they were referred for treatment, neither husband nor wife described sexual activity outside the marriage.

There have been 193 women treated for primary orgasmic dysfunction during the past 11years. Basically, in this method of therapy the sexually dysfunctional woman is approached through her sexual value system.

If its requirements are non serving limited, unrealistic, or inadequate to the marital relationship-by suggestion she is given an opportunity, with her husband’s help, to manipulate her biophysical and psychosocial structures of influence until an effective sexual value system is formed.

Categories
Penis Health

Multiple orgasm for men

MIDLIFE ORGASM FOR MEN

It was mentioned earlier that a mature male will experience better ejaculation control as compared to his younger peers. As a man-aged, his orgasm is much more intense, deep and rich. His midlife orgasm is triggered by intense physical and psychological stimulation that may last for about 20 seconds. Do not think that a few seconds is too little. The effect can be electrifying.

Orgasm Promote Health

Just when you thought it’s only “Hugh and Oomph”, orgasm for the matured and elder age group actually does well for health. You will be surprise that orgasm promote conditioning on the cardiovascular, glowing skin, tone up the body generally. In addition, orgasm will trigger the release of chemical in the brain that could relieve headache and some minor pain or ache. An intense orgasm is a whole body event even your fingers and toes could feel it; do you realize you clutches your fist and locked your toes, and some parts of your body were some what intensified when you “cum”?

How men can Achieve Multiple Orgasm

Did you also know that orgasm at midlife can be extended and multiple? During midlife, the refractory period maybe 24 hours while the older men takes a few days. You will be thinking; if this is so, how are there multiple orgasm possible?

The refractory period is the time following ejaculation before a man can have another erection, does increase with age. In young and virile men, the refractory period is about 24 hours but for older male, it can last days in a man who is in his seventies or older. By midlife, the refractory period may be as long as 24 hours. How are multiple orgasms possible under these circumstances?

According to clinical researches, male orgasm and ejaculation is the same thing. Multiple orgasms are rare in men. But in Eastern belief, male orgasm, like female, is a psycho-sexual event that typically includes ejaculation, but not always. In other words, orgasm, the pleasurable sensations of the rhythmic contractions and ejaculation, and the release of semen are separate events. To this view of male sexuality, men can say that experience multiple orgasms and are far more likely to do so at midlife when they have greater control of the ejaculatory process and are able to differentiate between orgasm and ejaculation.

A doctor from the Institute for Advanced Study of Sexuality in San Francisco often credited the concept of male multiple orgasms through his workshops and the national media attention they garnered. They discovered a man has his own multiple orgasm capability at midlife and quite by accident. They have accidentally discovered the difference between ejaculation and orgasm. When one of their doctors had a vasectomy, he has to ejaculate himself for a sperm count test. Discovered, after 15 minutes of “the most unsensational masturbation” of his life, he produced the required sample. As he was walking back to his station, he thought to himself, that was a non-orgasmic ejaculation. This led him to study the Eastern erotic arts. The following techniques were tried and adapted from those exotic sources.

Master the Art of Male Orgasm without ejaculation Separates men from boys:

  1. Finger Draw.
    Practiced in China for as long as five thousand years, is a simple technique. According to eastern practitioners, it is an effective method for inducing multiple orgasms. Similar to the perineum massage, the finger draw uses three curved fingers to apply pressure to one spot on the perineum, rather than the whole area, at the point of ejaculatory inevitability. Locate the pressure point at mid perineum, area between the anus and the scrotum. Use three slightly curved fingers to apply pressure, not too light and not too hard, to the perineum point as soon as you feel ejaculation is imminent. Repeat as often as necessary until you can experience a non ejaculatory orgasm.
    Some practitioners recommend practicing during masturbation because it’s not easy to find the right spot. When you find the spot, don’t expect a miracle to happen instantly. This takes time and patience. Was it worth the trouble, you may asked? It is worth once you had it. Sometime multiple orgasms and sometime single orgasm both without ejaculation. Either way, it makes you ready for lovemaking again sooner after you have ejaculate. You partner will love it.
  2. The Pull Back.
    Some men train themselves to experience orgasm without ejaculation fairly easily using the art of brinkmanship by pulling back at the last possible second before ejaculation. Practice this while masturbating. Continue stimulation to the point of imminent orgasm. Then stop. Don’t resume stimulation until your arousal level has declined. Repeat as often as possible. With regular practice, you should be able experience the contractions of orgasmic release without ejaculating.
    It was something similar to avoid ejaculating inside a girl so as not to make her pregnant. During youth, man had little control in ejaculation. The message doesn’t make it to the brain in time for the body to react. As a man mature, there is exquisite control. One can learn to use this technique to prolong, increase, and multiply my orgasms. I really believe any man can do it. The only thing stopping most men is ignorance.
  3. Big Draw Technique.
    First of all, you got to have strong pelvic muscles. To achieve that one can practice kegel exercises regularly. When you feel ejaculation is imminent, stop thrusting the penis. Pull back to approximately one inch of penetration but do not withdraw the penis entirely. Flex the pelvic muscle and hold to a count of nine. Alternately, flex the pelvic muscle nine times in rapid succession instead of holding the count. Resume thrusting shallowly and repeat as often as necessary until you experience a non ejaculatory orgasm.
    It will take several months to develop strong pelvic muscles and make the big draw work for you. But it is worth investing your time.
  4. The Valley Orgasm.
    According to the eastern practitioners, male orgasm with ejaculation is one fleeting moment of intense and even excruciating pleasure. On the other hand, the valley orgasm without ejaculation is a continual rolling expansion of the orgasm, a greatly heightened ecstasy. Men who experience the valley orgasm feel like a rolling series of orgasms without ejaculation. Here’s how to experience one:
    First, make love using the nine shallow, one deep method. Stop thrusting when you feel near orgasm. Use the big draw or the three-finger draw or your pelvic muscles to delay ejaculation. Hold and embrace your partner closely and comfortably. Continue shallow thrusting.Each time you feel ejaculation is imminent, use the big draw. You will experience the sensations of orgasm, though more diffuse, without ejaculation.

How to have an Orgasm Without Genital Contact.

An orgasm achieved with no genital contact is an extra genital orgasm. Fewer than 10 percent of women or men can reach orgasm simply from kissing passionately or by having their breasts or nipples kissed or sucked, their thighs caressed or licked, or their ears or neck nuzzled. How can it be done? Women and men who experience extra genital orgasms are able to excite themselves through erotic thoughts and fantasies to the point where any form of physical stimulation sends them over the edge into orgasm. In men, the phenomenon most frequently occurs in the “wet dream,” a nocturnal orgasm and ejaculation following an erotic dream.

Caress or have your partner caress your penis and testis until you are on the verge of another orgasm. Switch the stimulation to a non genital area such as abdomen, groin or inner thighs. Alternate from genital to non genital, stimuli until you are so close to orgasm that a simple touch like running a finger down the inner thigh could induce it.

How to have a Spontaneous Orgasm.

The ultimate no-hands solitary sex experience, a spontaneous orgasm occurs with no physical stimulation at all. How do to do it?

First, relax. Take a warm bath, have a glass of wine, put on some light music, light aromatic candles, create a lush, passionate, and emotional sexual fantasy. Breathe and lay on your back, knees bent, feet spaced well apart, take deep breaths. Pull your breath down into your body so deeply you can feel your diaphragm expanding and can imagine air going all the way down to your genitals. Slowly you breathe out. Pull that air all the way out, again imagining you are drawing it up through your genitals into your body.

After a dozen or so deep breaths, pant. Breathe rapidly from your belly with your mouth open. Now use the fire breathing technique. Begin with relaxing shallow breaths. Then breathe deeply and inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth. Make the breathing continuous or circular. Imagine a circle of fire beginning first as a small circle, nose through mouth, then expanding to include chest, belly, and finally the genitals. Feel the erotic heat moving in a circle throughout your body as you breathe.

Flex the pelvic muscles alone or in combination with breathing. Coordinate your flexing with deep breathing. Switch to panting, and then back to deep breathing, finally to fire breathing all the while flexing the muscles. If you don’t have an orgasm this way, don’t despair. Most won’t. But use the technique during masturbation or intercourse and feel how much stronger your orgasm is.

How to have a Whole Body Orgasm.

The whole body orgasm occurs when you are feeling particularly sensual, sexual, or both. For most, the experience is a complex blend of emotional, sensual, and sexual elements. It is possible in midlife than earlier. If you want to experience one, try this:

  1. Practice the techniques for extending orgasm until you are able to do so.
  2. Practice the techniques for spontaneous orgasm until you are aroused almost to the point of orgasm through fantasy and breathing alone.
  3. Practice the techniques for multiple orgasms until you are able either to have them or, to continue a state of arousal past orgasm. Combine the skills you’ve mastered in a lovemaking session with your partner when you are feeling very emotionally connected. If you do not experience a whole body orgasm, you will almost undoubtedly have a wonderful time together.

The point of this mastery is to encourage you to expand your orgasmic potential, not set orgasm goals or measure your performance against any other men. The exercises are worth doing, whether they result in extended, whole-body, extra genital or multiple orgasms, or not. They will improve the quality and perhaps the quantity of the orgasms you’re having now. In turn, it will give you physical, psychological, and emotional benefits as well as help strengthen the intimacy bond with your partner. Some couples believe that the ultimate expression of sexual intimacy is the simultaneous orgasm.

Categories
Knowing Woman Sexuality

Orgasm: Women and Control

At a basic level, orgasm is a nervous system response that is stimulated by extreme sexual tension. The reflex which triggers orgasm is located in the spinal nerves and the unconscious brain. The ability to hold back can come from the higher conscious mind, as when a man learns to control his speedy drive. It can also come from the unconscious brain, particularly where there is fear or sexual disgust.

Orgasm is about letting go, letting go of the mind’s control over the body’s actions. One of the civilizing aspects of human culture is the ability to learn not to let go; not to let the body have its clamouring way over the mind’s higher desires. While self-control is essential in any group, indeed our culture would break down without it, the teaching of this control can be very overdone.

Categories
Knowing Woman Sexuality

Orgasm

Erection

The clitoris is made of spongy tissue which can up fill with blood. This engorgement of tissue is vaso-congestion. Upon sexual arousal, extra blood from the pelvic arteries is pumped into the tissue, filling up the spongy spaces so that the clitoris swells in size. The muscles on each side contract and squeeze the only vein which runs along the top of the clitoris. This traps the extra blood inside; it cannot drain out. As more blood is pumped in, the swollen clitoris stiffens, rises, and lengthens to its maximum size. This is the process by which both the clitoris and penis become erect.

At the same time, extra blood is pumped into the vulva area, which thickens and flushes a deep red or purple. The outer labia swell to two or three times their pre-arousal size. The vagina responds with the sweating phenomenon. The walls are coated with moisture. The extensive system of connecting veins and muscles throughout the pelvis all respond to vaso-congestion. There is a feeling of fullness and heaviness, known as pelvic congestion. All this assists to move the woman towards the “orgasmic platform”.

The nipples also contain erectile tissue. At an early stage in arousal, they begin to harden and erect. The areola swells and spreads. The entire breasts are affected; they plump up and feel more tender; they are erotically charged when touched.

The Big O!

The clitoris and nipples are the main organs of arousal. If one or both are erotically stimulated for long enough, excitement increases until sexual tension becomes almost overpowering. As orgasm draws near, the clitoris becomes exquisitely sensitive; it cannot tolerate any more direct stimulation. It retracts, pulling back and retiring beneath its hood. Less often, the nipples become equally sensitive, and require no further stimulation.

Sexual tension is built by rhythmic friction. The thrusting of the penis causes maximum friction, maximum sensation, on the outer third of the vagina walls. In the missionary position, man on top, thrusting puts rhythmic pressure on the labia, which allows stimulation of the clitoris, though to a milder degree. Sucking or stroking the nipples in rhythmic movement produces the same effect. Erotic friction can be gentle or tough, slow or rapid, depending upon the particular needs at the time. Whichever, it must be rhythmic and persistent to build maximum sexual tension. As excitement increases, the entire body is charged with waves of tense pleasure. Muscle contractions ripple throughout the system. Like a waiting sneeze which has been building up, the persistency of the “friction factor” finally becomes explosive. The orgasmic platform has arrived. Now is the point of no return.

The vagina and surrounding tissues, the uterus, and sometimes the anus muscles all contract to a rhythmic beat at 0.8 second intervals; the same beat as in male orgasm. This beat can occur from between 3 to a maximum of 15 times, the same beat as in men. The last contractions are little more than ripples or shudders, again as in men. The more intense the orgasm, the longer the contractions last. A few women (and men) can have orgasms with no erotic friction whatsoever. They do it by fantasy, by imagination alone. Other women can have orgasms simply when they are kissed; the neck, earlobes, palms of the hands, toes — any part can be an erogenous zone.

The big “O’ varies. It is not always so big. There can be physical and emotional pleasure of such exquisite intensity that the feelings seem unendurable. There can be pleasing but low-key sensations which feel on a par with the satisfaction of a long-awaited sneeze. The degree of sensation at orgasm does not necessarily reflect on the woman, her partner, or the situation. They reflect on life. Orgasm is as variable as life itself.

Categories
Knowing Woman Sexuality

Phantom Orgasm

Sadly in life, horrendous things do happen. Women can become paralyzed in their pelvic region from road accidents, disease, and so on. They can lose all sensation in their pelvic area. Yet many paralyzed women continue to be orgasmic. However, our culture tends to perceive people with such disabilities as non-sexual. Indeed, medical textbooks refer to these orgasms as “phantom orgasms.” This is a phantom of medical folklore.

Be that as it may, it is critical to understand:

A woman can have an orgasm without penetration.
A woman can have an orgasm without a penis.
A man can have an orgasm without an erection.
A man can have an orgasm without a penis.

In fact, some women (and men) have orgasms merely by willing them. They do not require foreplay, nor thrusting, to raise sexual tension first. This is rare, but it can and does happen. Keep in mind that people are individuals, and have very different levels of sexual drive.

The human spirit is a wonderful phenomenon. It can withstand the most appalling vicissitudes and still respond with courage and resourcefulness. Women are said to be more stoical than men. They are able to endure more pain, both mental and physical.

Loss of sensation is a savage assault on female primacy. A woman’s first response can be equally savage and destructive. If she responds with a seemingly quiet and depressive state, this is as damaging emotionally as a raging and bitter response. Keep in mind that the healing process can be speeded up by orgasm if so desired. Use a vibrator, erotica, anything which works.

In a loving relationship, the partner can take control. Seduce her out of her angry or passive state. Shock her out of grief and pain by relighting her sexual fires. Turn her emotional energies away from her broken body and back to where happiness awaits.

Avoid over-concern with her feelings. She is a woman still, a real woman, and will find your particular brand of “medication” irresistible. Tell her that she is desirable. Continue to enchant her until she has an orgasm. Then tell her she is so desirable that she must be prepared for another love-making session soon.

Categories
Knowing Woman Sexuality

Orgasm: Party’s Over?

Some women have multiple orgasms. When they reach the orgasmic platform, they come again.., and again.., and again. It is not that the first orgasm was incomplete in any way. They are able to stay at a longer, later sexual peak, and allow orgasms to roll over them. After a man ejaculates, he must wait until his store of semen is replenished. In youth, this takes a few seconds. In later life, a day or more. Some men can have so-called “multiple orgasms” by external pressure on the perineum just before the orgasmic threshold is reached; or by mind control alone.

Detumescence is the flow of extra blood out of the area. The contractions of orgasm put pressure on all the blood vessels in the swollen organs and tissues. This pressure squeezes the extra blood out of them, and decongestion is complete. The clitoris returns to its normal size within 10 to 20 seconds after orgasm. The vagina takes some 15 minutes to return to its previous state. The uterus takes longer, between 10 and 30 minutes to become decongested and return to its previous size and position.

If there is no orgasm, there are no muscle contractions to put pressure on the blood vessels. The extra blood then pools in the organs and tissues, which remain swollen for some while. Eventually, it drains away, though this takes much longer than if orgasm has occurred. With intense sexual excitement followed by a consistent lack of orgasm over a long period of time, a feeling of pelvic congestion builds up. The sensations of this condition include vague discomfort in the pelvic area, backaches, and sometimes headaches.

Pelvic congestion is not the same as a vulva which stays swollen for a day or more after making love. In this case, the swollen sensation is due to the pounding of flesh upon flesh. From a health perspective alone, orgasm is of physical benefit to avoid pelvic congestion. It also benefits the emotional health not only of the woman, but also of her partner, and the relationship itself. Strong feelings of erotic gratification bring a closer, more profound, love.

Orgasm and Health

Orgasm is a powerful muscle relaxant. Its effects can be ten times as strong as the effects of Valium and other tranquilizers. After illness, orgasm assists on the road back to health. Some doctors believe it is the best prescription for easing mild back pain, and so affording a relaxed and pain-free night of sleep.

Orgasm can be excellent aerobic activity. Blood pressure, heart, and breathing rate all have a thorough workout, without the bother of putting on a tracksuit. The benefits to psychological health can be invaluable: profound emotional release, closer partner attachment, and an increase in mutual love, support, and self-esteem.

Perspiration: One woman in three sweats on the forehead, the top lip, and underarm. A thin film may cover the back and thighs.

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Knowing Woman Sexuality

Pain at Orgasm

Pain at orgasm can occur if the contractions of the uterus become very powerful. In a few cases, they can be as wracking as the cramps of a period. Why put up with unnecessary pain? Visit the physician promptly. The condition may be due to a hormone imbalance which can be sorted out. More often though, these powerful contractions are not experienced as pain, but as a short time of discomfort. Rest after orgasm. The pains will subside as the uterus slowly subsides and returns to its normal size.

Dyspareunia is lovemaking that is painful or difficult. The pain is experienced at some point in the vagina. In rare cases, there can be problems of clitoral adhesions or birth defects. There may be an allergy to some substance in the semen or sperm. More often, pain on thrusting is due to an undiagnosed yeast infection which produces no other symptoms. This pain is sorer and does not begin until thrusting has continued for some time.

However, in the majority of cases, the problem is a lack of sufficient lubrication. This can be avoided by the use of external lubricants. Avoid oils and creams which contain alcohol; they irritate.

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Knowing Woman Sexuality

Myths

Put a check against any of the following which may have been a part of childhood learning:

  • Sex is dirty and nasty.
  • The act of love should end in orgasm.
  • The man is the one to initiate making love.
  • Women should not show that they desire sex.
  • Orgasms are important for procreation only.
  • Orgasms come naturally when you are in love.
  • Orgasms will happen with the “right” partner.
  • Orgasms are less important for women than men.
  • Both people should have orgasms at the same time.
  • Women over a certain age lose interest in orgasms.

A myth is a fable, a concept. A myth is defined in most dictionaries as “an idea which forms part of the belief system of a group, but which is not founded on fact.” In historical terms, the reality has been that female sexuality was defined by men. Now the myth has been broken, largely thanks to the women’s movement. Female sexuality can be regarded in the same light as male sexuality.

Or can it? How can a woman maintain economic parity and produce babies at the same time? Many women are struggling with this difficult problem today. If they have a loving, mature partner, he can help. However, the disparity between what women need and what they must settle for seems to be growing greater, not less.