Author: The Beauty Nation

The husband has directed to place himself in a sitting (slightly reclining, if desired) position, with his back against a comfortable placement of pillows at the headboard of the bed. With the husband’s legs adequately separated to allow his wife to sit between them, she should recline with her back against his chest, pillowing her head on his shoulder.

The length of torsos should determine the reclining angle that permits her head to rest comfortably. Her legs are then separated and extended across those of her husband.

This position provides a degree of warm security for the woman (“back-protected” phenomenon) and allows freedom of access for the man to encourage creative exploration of his wife’s entire body in the sensate-focus concept.

The level of physical communication in the manipulative sessions is encouraged further by direction for the female partner to place her hand in a lightly riding position on that of her husband.

By using a slight increase in pressure or gentle directional movement, the “where and how” of her need of the moment may be immediately communicated to her receptive husband. This and other forms of nonverbal communication allow sharing of her particular desires as they occur as manifestations of her sexual value system, and constitute a secure way by which her marital partner can identify and fulfill these desires by meaningful interaction.

This means of direct physical communication also provides the woman with the freedom to request specifics of genital play without the distraction of forced verbal requests or a detailed explanation.

Any spontaneous form of expression of a man’s own sexual tensions is one of the most interactive contributions that he can make to his wife. It is a viable component of sexual “give to get” in any circumstance of physical sharing.

This principle applies equally to the marital unit carrying out the simplest sensate-focus exercise in the therapy program as it does to a marital unit that has never known sexual dysfunction.

The man must not presume his wife’s desire for a particular stimulative approach, nor must he introduce his own choice of stimuli. The husband’s assumption of expertise has no place in the initial learning phase of a marital unit seeking to reverse the life’s nonorgasmic condition.

The trial-and-error hazard this poses is not worth the small possibility of accidental pleasure that might be achieved. In truth, error in some facet of this controlled manipulative form of physical communication has already been established, or the marital-unit members probably would not consider themselves in need of professional support.

Only after both marital partners have established the fact of the wife’s sexual effectiveness with controlled genital play and have developed dependable physical signal systems should trial-and-error stimulative techniques be crone a naturally occurring dimension of pleasure.

It is well to mention that even those partners with an established, effective sexual relationship may find it both appropriate and advisable to check out their physical signal systems by verbal communication from time to time.

An additional value derived from the non-demand position and its accompanying sensate exercises is its contribution to the removal of the potential spectator’s role.

This role can become as much a pitfall for the nonorgasmic woman as it is for the impotent male. Already considered in descriptions of female-oriented patterns of sexual dissimulation, the spectator role is dissipated when the sexual involvement of husband and wife becomes mutually encompassing for both partners.

Educational Direction

For the husband is an integral part of the genital-play episodes. The co-therapists must be certain that the basics of effective pelvic play are clearly enunciated if the male partner is to provide an effective measure of stimulative return for the woman involved.

The husband is instructed both to allow and to encourage his wife to indicate specific preferences in the stimulative approach either by the light touch of her hand on his or by moving slightly toward the desired approach or away from excessive pressure.

Probably the greatest error that any man makes approaching a woman sexually is that of a direct attack upon the clitoral glans unless this is the stated wish of his particular partner. The glans of the clitoris has the same embryonic developmental background as that of the penis but usually is much more sensitive to touch.

As female sex tensions elevate, sensations of irritation, or even pain, may result from direct clitoral manipulation.

Rarely do women, when masturbating, manipulate the clitoral glans directly. Therefore, the male approach to clitoral stimulation would do well to correspond to that employed by women when providing self-release. There is a further, perhaps more subtle, reason for relative care in the intensity of stimulative concentration directed to the clitoris.

This originates from the fact that the clitoris, as a receptor and a transmitter of sexual stimuli, can rapidly react to create an overwhelming degree of sensation. When such a high level of biophysical tension is reached before the psychosocial concomitant has been subjectively appreciated, the woman experiences too much sensation too soon and finds it difficult to accept.

In the interest of a pleasurable, evolving sexual responsivity, the clitoris should not be approached directly. Specifically, manipulation should be conducted in the general mons area, particularly along either side of the clitoral shaft.

It must be remembered that the inner aspects of the thighs and the labia also are erotically identified areas for most women. Pressure and direction of manual stimulation should be controlled initially by the female partner for two educative reasons.

1. full freedom of manipulative control provides her with the opportunity to feel and think sexually without having to adjust to a partner’s assumption of what pleases her.
2. female control of manipulative activity also educates the male partner into the particular woman’s basic preferences in the stimulative approach to the clitoral area.

It must also be borne in mind by the male partner that there is no lubricating material available to the clitoris. As female sex tension increases there will be a sufficient amount of lubrication at the vaginal outlet.

This should be maneuvered manually from the vagina to include the general area of the clitoris. Vaginal lubrication used in this manner will prevent the irritation of the clitoral area that always accompanies any significant degree of manipulation of a dry surface.

A further dimension of sexual excitation is derived from manipulation of the vaginal outlet when lubricating material is acquired for clitoral spread by superficial finger insertion. There is usually little value returned from the deep vaginal insertion of the fingers, particularly early in the stimulative process.

While some women have reported a mental translation of the ensuing intravaginal sensation to that of penile containment, few had any preference for the opportunity.

Woman Sexuality

A separate discussion of female sexuality is necessary primarily because the role assigned to the functional component of a woman’s sexual identity rarely has been accorded the socially enforced value afforded male sexuality.

While the parallel between sexes as to physiological function has gained general acceptance, the concept that the male and female also can share almost identical psychosocial requirements for effective sexual functioning brings expected to protest.

Only when a male requests treatment for symptoms of sexual dysfunction, and possible contributing factors are professionally scrutinized in the clinical interest of symptom reversal, are the psychosocial influences noted to be undeniably similar to those factors which affect female responsivity.

Then such factors as selectivity, regard, affection, identity, and pride (to name a few of the heterogeneous variables) are revealed as part of the missing positive or present negative influence or circumstances surrounding the sexual dysfunction.

Woman Sexual Dysfunction

Man has had society’s blessing to build his sexual value system in an appropriate, naturally occurring context and woman has not. Until unexpected and usually little understood situations influence the onset of male sexual dysfunction, his sexual value system remains essentially subliminal and its influence more presumed than real.

During her formative years, the female dissembles much of her developing functional sexuality in response to societal requirements for a “good girl” facade.

Instead of being taught or allowed to value her sexual feelings in anticipation of an appropriate and meaningful opportunity for expression, thereby developing a realistic sexual value system.

She must attempt to repress or remove them from their natural context of environmental stimulation under the implication that they are bad, dirty, etc.

She is allowed to retain the symbolic romanticism which usually accompanies these sexual feelings, but the concomitant sensory development with the symbolism that endows the sexual value system with meaning is arrested or labeled for the wrong reasons, objectionable.

The reality of female sexual function today aside from its vital role in reproduction, still implies shame, although such a dishonorable role has been rather difficult to sustain with objectivity.

The arbitrary:
The social assignment of the role of sin to female sexuality has not contributed a desirably consistent level of marital harmony. Nor has society always found it easy to eliminate recognition of female sexuality while still supporting and maintaining the male’s role of tacit permission to be sexual with honor, or even praise.

Especially is this true of a society that continues to celebrate events before and after the fact of sexual expression (marriage, birth, etc.), and mourns the female menopause because it is presumed to signify the demise of sexual interest.

Since, as far as is known, elevated levels of female sexual tension are not technically necessary to conception, the natural function of a woman’s sexuality has been repressed in the service of false propriety and restricted by other unnecessary psychosocial controls for equally unsupportable reasons.

In short
The negation of female sexuality, which discourages the development of an effectively useful sexual value system, has been an exercise of the so-called double standard and its socio-cultural precursors.

Residual societal patterns of female sexual repression continue to affect many young women today. They mature acutely aware of repercussions from sexual discord between their parents and among other valued adults, so they grope for new roles of sexual functioning.

Discomfort in the communication of sexual material still prevails between parents and their children.

The young frequently are condemned, by lack of information about what is sexually meaningful, to live with decisions equally as unrewarding sexually as those made by their parents.

In other words, because of cultural restraints, the members of younger generations must continue to make their own sexual mistakes, since they, like previous generations, rarely have been given the benefit of the results of their parents’ past sexual experience; good, bad, or indifferent as that experience may have been.

The necessary freedom of sexual communication between parents and sons and daughters cannot be achieved until the basic component of sexuality itself is given a socially comfortable role by all active generations simultaneously.

She responds physiologically to sex-tension elevation. The four phases of the female cycle of sexual response established in the 1960s will be employed to identify clinically important vasocongestive and myotonic reactions developing in the pelvic viscera of any woman responding to sexual stimulation.

Sex-tension increment, the first physical evidence of her response to sexual stimulation is vaginal lubrication.

Lubrication is produced:

By a deep vasocongestive reaction in the tissues surrounding the vaginal barrel. There also is evidence of increased muscle tension as the vaginal barrel expands and distends involuntarily in anticipation of penetration.

When sex tensions reach plateau phase levels of responsivity, a local concentration of venous blood develops in the outer third of the vaginal barrel, creating partial constriction of the central lumen.

This vaginal evidence of a deep vasocongestive reaction has been termed the orgasmic platform. The uterus increases in size as venous blood is retained within the organ tissues.

The clitoris evidence increasing smooth-muscle tension by elevating from its natural, pudendal-overhang positioning and flattening on the anterior border of the symphysis.

With orgasm, reached an increment peak of pelvic-tissue vasocongestion and myotonia, the orgasmic platform in the outer third of the vagina and the uterus contract within regularly recurring rhythmicity as evidence of high levels of muscle tension.

Finally, with the resolution phase, both vasocongestion and myotonia disappear from the body generally, and the pelvic structures specifically.

If the orgasmic release has been obtained, there is rapid detumescence from these naturally accumulative physiological processes. The loss of muscle tension and venous blood accumulation is much slower if orgasm has not been experienced and there is an obvious residual of sexual tension.

The presence of involuntary-muscle irritability and superficial and deep venous congestion that woman cannot deny, for these reactions develop as physiological evidence of both conscious and subconscious levels of sexual tension.

With the accumulation of myotonia and pelvic vasocongestion, the biophysical system signals the total structure with stimulative input of a positive nature.

Regardless of whether women voluntarily deny their biological capacity for sexual function, they cannot deny the pelvic, irritative evidence of inherent sexual tension for any length of time.

Once a month with some degree of regularity women are reminded of their biological capacity. Interestingly, even the reminder develops in part as the result of local venous congestion and increased muscle tension in the reproductive organs.

On occasion, the menstrual condition, through the suggestive sensation created by pelvic congestion, stimulates elevated sexual tensions.

The presence or absence of patterns of sexual desire or facility for a sexual response within the continuum of the human female’s menstrual cycle also has defied reliable identification.

Possibly, confusion has resulted from the usual failure to consider the fact that two separate systems of influence may be competing for dominance in any sexual exposure.

The necessity for such individual consideration can best be explained by example:

It is possible for a sexually functional woman to feel the sexual need and to respond to high levels of sexual excitation even to orgasmic release in response to a predominantly biophysical influence in the absence of a specific psychosocial requirement.

This freedom to respond to direct biophysical-system demand requires only from its psychosocial counterpart that the female’s sexual value system not transmit signals that inhibit or defer how erotic arousal is generated. In any situation of biophysical dominance, the effective sexual response requires only a reasonable level of interdigital contribution by the psychosocial system.

Conversely, it also is possible for a human female to respond to erotic signals initiated by the predominant psychosocial factors of the sexual value system, regardless of conditions of biophysical imbalance such as hormonal deficiency or obvious pathology of the pelvic organs.

A woman may respond sexually to the psychosocial system of influence to orgasmic response in the face of surgical castration and spite of a general state of chronic fatigue or physical disability. In any situation of psychosocial dominance, the effective sexual response requires only a reasonable level of interdigital contribution by the biophysical system.

Sexual Values

An interesting variation on this classification of repression should be mentioned. There were several primarily non-orgasmic women whose receptivity to the repressive conditioning was slightly different. Their own particular personality characteristics or their relationship to negatively directive authority was such that they fully accepted the concept of sexual rejection.

They developed pride in their ability to comply with sexual repression and did so with apparent social grace. Their selection of a mate in most cases represented a choice of similar background. The difficulty arose with marriage.

For example:

On the wedding night, a completely unrealistic, negative sexual value system usually was revealed during their attempt to establish an effective sexual interaction. These women reported either total pelvic anesthesia or isolation of sexual feelings from the context of psychosocial support.

Women entering therapy in a state of non-orgasmic return reflected the complete failure of any effective alignment of their biophysical and psychosocial systems of influence.

They had never been able to merge either their points of maximum biophysical demand or their occasions of maximum psychosocial need with optimum environmental circumstances of time, place, or partner response to fulfill the requirements of their sexual value systems.

Primary orgasmic dysfunction:

A condition whereby neither the biophysical nor the psychosocial systems of influence that are required for the effective sexual function is sufficiently dominant to respond to the psychosexually stimulative opportunities provided by self-manipulation, partner manipulation, or coital interchange.

If the concept of two interdigital systems influencing female sexual responsivity can be accepted, what can be considered the weaknesses and the strengths of each? Input required by either system for the development of peak response is, of course, subject to marked variation.

There may be some value in drawing upon the previously described psychophysiological findings returned from preclinical studies. As a human female response to subjectively identifiable sexual stimuli, reliable patterns of accommodation by one system to the other can be defined, and tend to follow basic requirements set by earlier imprinting.

Patterns of imprinting can be either reinforced or redirected by controlled experimental influence. They can also be diverted in their signaling potential by reorientation of a previously unrealistic sexual value system. The sexual value system, in turn, responds to reprogramming by a new, positive experience.

Variations in the human female’s bio-physical system are, of course, relative to basic body economy. Is the woman in good health? Is there a cyclic hormonal ebb and flow to which she is particularly susceptible? Are the reproductive viscera anatomically and physiologically within normal limits, or is there evidence of pelvic pathology? Is there evidence of broad-ligament laceration, endometriosis, or residual from pelvic infection?

Certainly, most forms of pelvic pathology would weigh against the effective functioning of the biophysical system. On the other hand, are there those biophysical patterns that tend to improve the basic facility of her sexual responsivity? Is there well-established metabolic balance, good nutrition, sufficient rest, the regularity of sexual outlet?

Each of these factors inevitably improves biophysical responsivity. There must be professional consideration of multiple variables when evaluating the influence of the biophysical system upon female sexual responsivity.

Overcome Sexual Difficulty

However, the system with the infinitely greater number of variables is that reflecting psychosocial influence. Most dysfunctional women’s fundamental difficulty is that the requirements of their sexual value systems have never been met. Consequently, the resultant limitations of the psychosocial system have never been overcome.

Many women specifically resist the experience of orgasmic response, as they reject their sexual identity and the facility for its active expression.

Often these women were exposed during their formative years to such timeworn concepts as sex is dirty, nice girls don’t involve themselves, sex is the man’s privilege or sex is for reproduction only.

There are also those whose resistance is established and sustained by a stored experience of mental or physical trauma, rape, dyspareunia which is signaled by every sexual encounter.

Again from a negative point of view, there may be extreme fear or apprehension of sexual functioning instilled in any woman by inadequate sex education. Any situation leading to sexual trauma, real or imagined.

During her adolescent or teenage years or her sexual partner’s, crude demonstration of his own sexual desires without knowledge of how to protect her sexually would be quite sufficient to create a negative psychosocial concept of a woman’s role in sexual functioning.

The woman living with residual of specific sexual trauma (mental or physical) frequently is encountered in this category.

Finally, there is the woman whose background forces her into automatic sublimation of psychosexual response. This individual simply has no expectations for sexual expression that are built upon a basis of reality. She has presumed that sexual response in some form simply would happen but has a little, idea of its source of expression.

In these instances, sexual sublimation is allowed to become a way of life for many reasons. Particularly is this reaction encountered in the woman who has failed to enjoy the privilege of working at being a woman.

The positive side:

The psychosocial value system can overcome physical disability with dominant identification that may be personal and/or situational in nature. In states of advanced physical disability, the strength of loved-partner identification can provide orgasmic impetus to a woman physically consigned to be sexually unresponsive.

When there has been a pattern of little bio-physical sexual demand, as in a postpartum period, sexual tension may be rapidly restored by the psychosocial stimulation of a vacation, anniversary, or other experience of special significance.

Again the biophysical and psychosocial systems of influence are interdigital in orientation, but there is no biological demand for their mutual complementary responsivity. It is in the areas of involuntary sublimation that the psychosocial system is gravely handicapped and would tend to exert a negatively dominant influence in contradistinction to any possible biophysical stimulative function.

For many women, a basic homophile orientation is a major etiological factor in heterosexual orgasmic dysfunction. For those women committed to homosexual expression, lack of orgasmic return from heterosexual opportunity is of no consequence.

But there are a large number of women with significant homosexual experience during their early teenage years that, in time, have withdrawn from active homophile orientation to living socially heterosexual lives.

When they marry, many are committed to orgasmic dysfunction by the prior imprinting of homosexual influence upon their sexual responsivity.

Prior homosexual conditioning acts to create a negatively dominant psychosocial influence. Their biophysical capacity, freely evidenced in homosexual opportunity, continues operant in their electively chosen heterosexual environment, but it may not be of sufficient quality to overcome the negative input from their psychosocial system.

It is difficult to evaluate homosexual influence upon heterosexual function. There can be no question that both means of sexual expression will always be an integral part of every culture. So it has been for recorded time.

The problems of sexual adjustment do not rest with those committed unreservedly to a specific pattern of response. Rather, it is the gray area dweller that creates for him or herself a sexually dysfunctional status.

When moving from one means of sexual expression to the other for the first time, the sexual value system must be reoriented if the desired transfer of sexual identification is to be completed. Such was the problem of Mrs. G who had not been able to adapt her sexual value system to her elected heterosexual world when seen in therapy.

Mr. and Mrs. G

were referred for treatment after seven years of marriage, she was 33, her husband 38 years old. The current marriage was his second, the first ending in divorce.

The presenting complaint was that Mrs. G had never been orgasmic in the marriage. Her childhood and adolescence were spent in-a small Midwestern town as an only child of elderly parents. Her mother was 41 when she was born.

Introverted as a teenager, the girl did well in school but had few friends and was not popular with male classmates. When she was 15 years old she formed a major psychosexual attachment to a high-school teacher, who seduced the girl into a homosexual relationship.

The courtship continued for six months before physical seduction was accomplished. Once fully committed to the homosexual relationship, the girl matured rapidly in personality and took a great deal more care with her dress and person. She vested total psychosexual commitment in her “teacher” throughout her high-school years.

Full responsivity in the sexual component of the relationship developed slowly for the teenager, although she was occasionally orgasmic with manipulation within a few months ‘of her first physical experience.

Initially, hers was primarily a receptive role, but as she matured in the relationship psychologically, mutual manipulation and oral-genital stimulation in natural sequence became part of the unit’s pattern of sexual expression.

During the girl’s last year in high school, mutual sexual tensions were maintained at a high level, and physical release was sought by either or both women at a minimum frequency level of three to four times a week. Both women were multi-orgasmic. Mrs. G has no history of heterosexual dating in high school.

There was physical separation when Mrs. G went to college, but since the separation represented a distance of only fifty miles, she and the teacher spent many weekends together. However, toward the end of Mrs. G’s sophomore year in college, the high-school teacher was apprehended approaching other girls, was discharged, and left the geographical area.

This was a major blow to the girl. She had lost her love and at the same time was made aware that the teacher had sought other outlets. Her grades suffered and she became severely depressed and totally antisocial.

She dropped out of school for a semester, during which time she did very little but write long forgiving letters to her mentor, and even visited her for a ten-day period under the pretext of going to see friends.

It was not until Mrs. G graduated from college that the homosexual relationship was finally terminated. During the four college years, she had only two dates, both involving attendance at school events and of no sexual portent.

After graduation, Mrs. G took secretarial training and began working in a larger city in the Midwest. She still suffered from recurrent bouts of depression and finally sought psychiatric support. Helped by this counseling, she gradually enlarged her social circle, began heterosexual dating, and once more showed an interest in her dress and person.

While in college she had developed masturbatory patterns for tension release. The frequency throughout college and during her early years working as a secretary was several times per week. She usually was multi-orgasmic, as she had been during her continuing homosexual relationship.

At age 25 Mrs. G deliberately took advantage of an available partner to attempt intercourse. This experience was sought purely from curiosity demand.

There were several coital exposures with this eager but relatively inexperienced young man.

She found herself repulsed by the man’s untutored, harsh approaches as opposed to those of her high school teacher. She was not physically responsive and found the seminal fluid objectionable.

Added to this general rejection of heterosexual interest was the fact that shortly after establishing the sexual relationship there was a 10-day delay in the onset of a menstrual period. Her fear of pregnancy only contributed to her rejection of any psychosocial concept of heterosexual functioning.

Shortly thereafter Mrs. G met her husband. He had been divorced six months previously for the stated reason that his wife had wanted to marry another man. There were two children of the marriage, both living with their mother.

They were both lonely people and gravitated to each other. There was warmth and affection between them and several mutual interests, so they married.

Mr. G was sexually well versed, kind, considerate, and gentle with his wife. She felt warmly toward him and enjoyed providing him with sexual release. In doing so she lost her incipient phobia for the seminal fluid.

However, she was unstimulated by his sexual approaches beyond that degree necessary to produce adequate vaginal lubrication. Both partners agreed they did not want children, so contraceptive medication was taken by the wife.

The marriage, though warm and comfortable, for several years was essentially one of convenience. However, as time passed, the two partners grew closer together, learned to communicate, and to exchange vulnerabilities.

Yet there was no improvement in the wife’s sexual responsivity, and this became an increasingly important factor in their lives. Mrs. G had never told her husband of her homosexual experience and was guilt-ridden by the concept that her past sexual orientation might have precluded any possibility of effective response in her now desired heterosexual state. The husband and wife were referred for treatment at her insistence.